What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 30.06.2025 15:05
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I said to her
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He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im still living with it.
What was the craziest place that you had sex with someone in public?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Comes on , in middle age.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
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I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
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Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
When she asked me how she looked .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Why did i forgive my father ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Ive learnt so much.
He knew the spot.
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.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What it is like to have sex with a relative woman?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I waited trembling.
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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
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Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
How is Sola Scriptura incoherent?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
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He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I will be 64.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We all went to grammer schools
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We were not on the streets..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I have no regrets .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was seconnd youngest,
She found it foreign!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But it wasn’t much.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She married twice! .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was 9 years of age.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i lived it daily.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Especially a lifetime of it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
So whats the point in blame.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She was in good health!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It was going to be , some day.
My family never makes their pension either.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I write beautiful poetry .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I couldn’t, believe it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She loved him until the end.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My life is so biszare .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But, we were locked up after school.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So, i spoilt her more .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I never cut or harmed myself..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
All the time i was locked up.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?
Put me off passion for life!!
She wouldn,t have been !
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One cannot live in the past .
I don,t even have a pension.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I think the readers, may guess!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
What did i know ?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i do to all so called friends.?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Would this be the day?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
This is soul school!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But ive been too sick for many years..